Some random thoughts.
So my wife, daughter and I went to the buffet the other night and I couldn’t help but to find myself staring at a man eating noodles. Now I wasn’t starring because he was eating noodles. Instead I found myself starring because as I was chewing my food I happened to look over at him and saw he was slurping his noodle up his face, over his beard, and into his mouth. For some reason this was so disgusting to me, but at the same time I couldn’t help but gawk. I think part of me kept looking hoping that he would wipe not only his face but also his beard. Not the case. I mean think about it. During the course of the day this man probably had 3-4 meals. If at any point he dropped food in his beard I’m sure he didn’t wipe it clean. Why? Who knows. Maybe it gives a barbaric feeling of accomplishment? Ugg, I killed my food and now I eat. Whatever the case I am sure he still has soy sauce hanging out in there.
The next example of beard grunge came at the gym. So I’m working out on the elliptical and look over. Here I see one of the Duck Dynasty guys (not really, just resembled) working out in full blown camouflage hunting gear. Jacket, pants and shoes. Now this was already reason for concern since I felt like at any moment he may start shooting thinking we were all game. But then during one of his breaks he reaches over, grabs his Gatorade, and begins drinking like he just got done the NYC marathon. The Gatorade began pouring out of the side of his mouth and running down his beard. It was to the point where I started having flashes of Dracula lifting his head up after sucking on some poor souls neck. But, yet again, I find myself now starring, waiting to see if he will wipe his mouth and beard. This time Mr. Hillbilly does wipe. But don’t get overly excited. He only wiped his mouth. With juice still running down his face, he proceeds over to the next machine. I will be using lots of spray cleaner if I go over there.
Now listen. I’m all for a good mustache, beard, goatee, whatever. But keep it clean. I myself have a goatee, and the number one thing I think about is if I have something in it. Walking around using your face as a human trash compactor is not attractive or cool. If you want to rock a beard then do it with class. I’m sure ZZ top (younger folks might have to Google them) isn’t going around with FunYun’s and chicken wings all up in there.
Keep it clean